*warning, content may be triggering*

In reaction to the Pentagon announcement that women would be formally permitted in crucial and dangerous jobs closer to the front lines Fox News correspondent Liz Trotta decided to link the growing role of women in the military with an increase in rape. She believes:

• Feminists want “to be warriors and victims at the same time”
• Because they are in close quarters women should expect to be raped
• Current spending on sexual assault prevention is "extreme feminism" that supports women in the military who are "raped too much"

Ms. Trotta is referring to the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program, charged with enabling military readiness by establishing a culture free of sexual assault. The numbers of reported sexual assault are increasing because of the new policies and support that encourage reporting, not women's expanded opportunities to serve. Personally, I wonder if she knows that the task force that led to the program was initiated by Donald Rumsfeld, and the policy was approved under the administration of George W. Bush; neither of whom were particularly known for their extreme feminism.

The Daily Show counters with its trademark mix of media criticism and humor, while Media Matters consolidates the horrified reaction of elected officials and veterans groups. I'd like to add another voice to the conversation.

As a counterpoint to Liz's commentary, please listen Amando's story below. As a Marine, he was gang-raped by fellow officers. His story clearly communicates the horrible effects he experienced as a survivor, why some people don't report the crime, and the importance of the military's Sexual Assault Prevention and Response program.

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While discussing the bipartisan seating arrangement on Fox News, Wall Street Journal reporter Stephen Moore described sitting next to someone from the other party during the State of the Union like "Date Rape." 

I've heard this analogy before. Students, leaving a particularly difficult exam might say "that exam raped me." A sports fan (or player) might describe a brutal loss by saying "we got raped out there." I'm asking those people to stop, think about the message they're sending, and stop doing it. 

A reasonable response to my critique of the use of the word rape in these situations might say, but people say also use the word "killed" in all of those situations- which is widely considered to be a worse offense than rape- and you're not complaining about them.

I understand that hyperbole is a common and accepted literary device. I've said similar things- probably murdered, massacred, and suicide- all in reference to the end of the Red Sox 2011 season. But, there are several substantive differences when people talk about rape.

First- most victims of rape survive- and then are subject to being re-victimized when they hear people talk about something like a tough exam in the same words they use to describe being sexually violated. Second- rape is far more common than murder and when you use the word around others, you are far more likely to do so around someone whose life has been touched by it. Third- while most murders know that their crime is both a crime and abnormal, rapists don't think that their actions are rape, and that those rapists think they are normal. 

So, when a potential rapist hears the word rape (or other language regarding sexual assault) as a substitute or description of an uncomfortable or difficult situation that doesn't have anything to do with assault or violence, it can send them the wrong message: rape is normal, not a big deal.

It's not. 19 out of 20 men would never rape someone. Rape is a brutal crime. Sitting next to someone you disagree with might be uncomfortable for some (you might hope that elected politicians are used to it), but it's not a violation of one's body or one's right to sexual autonomy. It's time we stopped using that word to describe something like sitting next to someone of a different political party.

Thanks to The Raw Story for finding this clip.

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Psychologists from Middlesex University and the University of Surrey recently published a paper that found that men between the ages of 18 and 46 could not distinguish descriptions of women taken from lads’ mags from comments about women made by convicted rapists.

In addition, researchers also asked a separate group of women and men aged between 19 and 30 to rank the quotes on how derogatory they were, and to try to identify the source of the quotes.  Participants rated quotes from lads’ mags more derogatory, and could guess where the quotes were from little better than if by chance.

Dr Horvath, senior lecturer in forensic psychology at Middlesex University, is concerned about the effects this kind of language can have on young men and their attitude to women: "The apparent normalising effect of lads' mags runs counter to the work that is done with sex offenders both in prison and the community. Sex offender programmes challenge the men on them about their sexist, misogynistic and derogatory beliefs about women and seek to reeducate them. Yet it appears that some similar beliefs have been presented in recent lads' mags, which are normalised and accepted in mainstream society."

Dr Peter Hegarty, from the University of Surrey’s Psychology Department, added: “There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalises the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people.  But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalise views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?”

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As reported in the Boston Globe, a member of UVM's Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity sent an email survey to his brothers, in which the final question listed was: "If you could rape anyone who would it be?"

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Dear Harvard Students Selling and Wearing Those "Veritas Bitch" T-Shirts,

Allow me to preface this by saying this is not about your right to sell or wear an offensive shirt. The 1st Amendment means I get to say how I feel as much you do. In this post I suggest a few talking points for Harvard students who encounter a wearer of this t-shirt:

So, for your Harvard-Yale Game shirt, you choose a reference to The Human Centipede. (a movie about a psychopath murder that surgically sews his victim's mouths to other victim's anuses). Are you saying that this is a metaphor for what Harvard is going to do to Yale at the game? If so, is copying another's work in the extremes of taste and decency the best you can think of? From my experience at Harvard, it’s a place that both prepares you to be better than that and expects more from its students. If the picture in your shirt means something else to you, can you please help me understand why you choose it?    Given the Penn State child rape scandal, is a shirt that mixes football and popular images of extreme sexual violence really what you want to be wearing?

Even If you feel like there's nothing wrong with the shirt, can you understand how other people might be offended by it? Would you want a future employer to be able to Facebook you and see you wearing that? You may not realize it, but rape is a pretty big problem on college campuses. Even though 19 out of 20 guys aren't sexually violent, there's 1 that is, and he thinks he's normal. When they see shirts like yours, I think they get the wrong message.

Please think twice about your actions and challenge your friends to do the same.

If you're interested in talking more about this, and especially about the issues at Penn State, please come by the next Harvard Men Against Rape meeting on Monday, November 21st at 6 pm in The Barker Center on Harvard's main campus. Room 024. All are welcome.

Peace,
Seth Avakian

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You live with us, make love with us, father us, befriend us, brother us, get nurtured and mothered and eternally supported by us, so why aren't you standing with us? Why aren't you driven to the point of madness and action by the rape and humiliation of us?"

Full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/over-it_b_1089013.html

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It can be horrifying to read about the sexual violence perpetrated by men. Take the recent charges brought against "Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State defensive coordinator who faces a 40-count indictment for allegedly sexually abusing eight young boys." He is believed to “groom” his victims; identifying a child, becoming a mentor, giving the victim gifts and establishing trust before sexually assaulting and raping them. This serves as a example of how perpetrators of all forms of sexual violence frequently seem like the "Nice Guy," nothing like the stranger in the bushes we are taught to fear.

But sometimes it's the inaction of others that really hits home.  Penn State Athletic Director Timothy Curley, 57, and Gary Schultz, 62, the university's senior vice president for finance and business are believed to have known about the abuse but done nothing. Attorney General Linda Kelly stated "Their inaction likely allowed a child predator to continue to victimize children for many, many years..."  You can read the indictment in its entirety here.

Just yesterday, coach Paterno and even the president of Penn State, Graham Spanier, were fired immediately for being a part of the silence surrounding the sexual abuse and rape of young boys. The idea that supposedly intelligent, responsible men in positions of authority could discover this and do nothing brings to mind the criminal neglect unocvered in the Catholic Church a decade ago. It reminds me of how groups of men sometimes react when one of their friends is accused of sexual assault- not believing that a guy they know and trust is capable of such atrocities and then not believing the survivor.

So, it may initially seem counterintuitive to end this post with the following video of Siyabulela, a Harvard undergraduate from South Africa. It serves as a counterpoint to yet another example of silence in the face of sexual violence. This is what Menspeakup is all about; enlisting men to speak up about gender and sexual violence. We hope to add to a chorus of voices that dare to stand up and take action. Coming from a culture that is making strides toward gender equality, yet still struggles with high rates of rape, he asks us "What kind of society are we trying to build?" His answer could be useful to those struggling with the criminal neglect at Penn State.

"Not only seeing that it is wrong, but taking action to treat women (and men) with the respect and dignity that they deserve."

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It is probably more dangerous to be a woman than a soldier in an armed conflict.

Featuring narrators Matt Damon, Tilda Swinton, Geena Davis and Alfre Woodard, Women, War & Peace is a bold new five-part PBS television series challenging the conventional wisdom that war and peace are men’s domain. The vast majority of today’s conflicts are not fought by nation states and their armies, but rather by informal entities: gangs and warlords using small arms and improvised weapons. The series reveals how the post-Cold War proliferation of small arms has changed the landscape of war, with women becoming primary targets and suffering unprecedented casualties. Yet they are simultaneously emerging as necessary partners in brokering lasting peace and as leaders in forging new international laws governing conflict.

Matt Damon's commentary in Why Should Men Care? will be of particular interest to the readers of MenSpeakUp.

Women, War & Peace will premiere on your local PBS station Tuesday nights from Oct. 11 to Nov. 8, 2011. Check your local listings for air times, and click here to watch the trailer.

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From The Harvard Crimson

Before their Tuesday afternoon practice, members of the Harvard varsity wrestling team posed for a picture on the steps in front of the Malkin Athletic Center. But instead of sporting their team uniforms in this photo, the athletes came in gay pride attire and rainbow pins that read “Proud Ally.”

In honor of National Coming Out Day, the men chose to wear the pins in solidarity with the BGLTQ community.

Harvard College Queer Students and Allies co-president Emma Q. Wang ’12 said that this year the student group wanted to emphasize the importance of coming out as an ally.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to be very vocal as an ally,” she said. “We want them to feel included because they play such an important role.”

According to wrestler David J. Lalo ’13, it was a non-resident tutor in Lowell House, Robert Joseph “R.J.” Jenkins, who inspired the team to participate in National Coming Out Day.

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“[R.J.] has made a tremendous impact across our team,” Lalo said. “We wanted to show him we support the LGBT community.”

Jenkins, who is openly gay, said that he casually brought up the idea of wearing the pins one day while speaking with several athletes in the Lowell dining hall.

He said the men responded positively to his proposal.

“I started to imagine it as an opportunity for them to come out as allies,” he said. “To think about a day for allies to come out and say, ‘I accept these people in my life. I accept them for who they are.’”

The athletes said their close relationship with Jenkins compelled them to show support for the BGLTQ community.

“He’s been a mentor and an advisor,” said wrestler Steven M. Keith ’13, who wore a shirt that read, “Some Kids R Gay. That’s OK.”

Timothy P. McCarthy ’93, director of the Sexuality, Gender, and Human Rights program at the Carr Center for Human Rights Policy, remembered that when he was an undergraduate, BGLTQ-identified individuals faced a stigma in the Harvard community.

“A lot of us wanted to distance ourselves from those courageous souls,” McCarthy said.

While House tutors and other faculty members provided a support system for BGLTQ students, McCarthy said solidarity was not as public then as it is today.

Jenkins said the athletes are leaders in the effort to combat discrimination against BGLTQ-identified individuals.

Wearing a shirt that said, “Some Dudes Marry Dudes. Get Over It,” Anthony J. Buxton ’13, a varsity wrestler, said he had received smiles from people on the street.

“There is a much larger community of allies who are willing and ready–even eager–to stand with their LGBT peers,” McCarthy said.

—Staff writer Eliza M. Nguyen can be reached at enguyen@college.harvard.edu.

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The annual Harvard finals club punch season is underway. As popularized in The Social Network, the eight male-only clubs and four female-only clubs will offer exclusive invitations to only a handful of undergraduates. Membership to a finals club is highly coveted because some think the clubs facilitate special bonds between students and have alumni networks committed to supporting undergraduates.

This year, however, some students are trying to convince many eligible sophomores not to join. These students argue that the clubs are bad for campus because they promote gender inequality. The male clubs dominate the social scene and have extraordinary resources at their disposal compared to the female clubs which were founded more recently.

Is it wrong for Harvard finals clubs to be single-sex? Should exclusive social clubs be allowed on campuses? Do they add to or detract from the social atmosphere?

Weigh in here

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In his address at a fundraiser for the Rape Treatment Center, actor Jon Hamm said "It is an important thing to instill in a younger generation about the impact of rape, the lasting impact of rape...Children from grade school to high school to college are incredibly susceptible and incredibly malleable, as we all know. To get them early, to teach them about the facts and figures and other realities of rape is key. It is an important issue to me as not only a man, but as an educator, as a human being and as a person on this planet."

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Basketball superstars Chris Bosh and Carmelo Anthony guest star with Mehcad Brooks (True Blood) and Dan Lauria (The Wonder Years) on Law and Order Special Victims Unit this Wednesday, September 28th at 10pm. This episode tells the story of a basketball coach revered by many in the community as a trusted mentor and teacher to generations of young men who comes under suspicion of molesting a number of his players.

While never forgetting that men's sexual violence disproportionally targets women, men are all too often victims as well. You can visit 1in6 for more information and resources.Follow @FINALLEVEL on Twitter before, during and after the episode to participate in a live tweeting event with SVU star Ice-T, who will be answering your questions and providing behind-the-scenes details of the episode.

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Young women still face the highest rates of dating violence and sexual assault– statistics that have led Vice President Biden over the past year to refocus his commitment to reducing violence on teens and young adults.Targeting the importance of changing attitudes that can lead to violence and educating the public on the realities of abuse, Biden leads the effort to stop violence against women before it begins.

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JESS3's Leslie Bradshaw new Forbes column on Leadership.

I agree with Facebook’s COO Sheryl Sandberg: Women need more seats at the table. And while I appreciate the right to a seat, truthfully, not just any seat will do. Specifically, we need more seats in leadership roles at the highest levels of business, politics, technology, the media, the clergy and even controlling the world’s wealth. Right now, the gender distribution is horribly off-balance:

• Only 6 percent of Fortune 100 CEOs are women (and none of them runcompanies above #39)
• Only 8 percent of technology start-ups are led by women
• Only 9 percent of contributors on Wikipedia are women
• Women account for only a tenth of the voting power on the world’s key interest rates
• Only 13 percent of the top 100 billionaires worldwide are women and only one out of these thirteen holds an active leadership role, while others serve more of a shareholder and family inheritance role
• Only 15 percent of senior management in all industries are women
• Combined across eight major religions, women hold only 15 percent of theleadership roles in the clergy
• Less than 18 percent of Congressional seats are held by women

If this was 100 or even 50 years ago, I might at least understand these statistics. I could argue that women’s access to higher levels of education wasn’t the best, that men weren’t taking a very egalitarian approach to the household and cultural norms placed women in paraprofessional roles (think: secretary, copywriter) and were not thought of as managers, directors and leaders.

But today is 2011 and there is little excuse for there to be such paltry figures across the board. So what’s going on here? The common explanations I’ve heard over the years include:

1. Women don’t negotiate. As Kathryn Minshew notes at the Daily Muse: “Nearly 60% of men negotiate their first salary out of college—while only 7% of women do.” Compound this gap over time and you can see that a woman’s salary and role can easily remain below that of their more aggressive male counterparts. Books like “Women Don’t Ask” and “ Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” document this in depth.
2. Women take time out of their career for their family. This often means—in the words of Sheryl Sandberg—they “leave before they leave” and start scaling back their involvement even before having their baby. Ramping back up is also a challenge.
3. Women don’t have as many female role models and female mentors. When you think of the innovators and entrepreneurs of our generation (and especially when you go back a few generations), you still see a male-dominated landscape. Kara Swisher underscores this as she calls out to top start-up darlings from her All Things D column: “The Men and No Women of Web 2.0 Boards (BoomTown’s Talking to You: Twitter, Facebook, Zynga, Groupon and Foursquare).” Mentors and role models enable women to see what is possible through their eyes, their gender and their experiences. Women who have “made it” also need to be committed to paying it forward.

While these explanations are certainly not comprehensive, they do start to scratch the surface of what we are up against. In an effort to address, overcome and annihilate these gaps, this blog will work to inspire through interviews with women who have negotiated hard, founded their own companies, taken time to be a mom, been elected, lead a congregation, earned a prominent seat at the table and everything in between. As a female founder of a technology company who focused a lot on gender, power and economics in my studies at the University of Chicago, I will also be throwing in some of my insights and experiences when warranted (and even when they are not).

In the meantime, I’d like to close on an uplifting note and share a few of the things that give me hope that there is real change and a movement afoot:

• Kara Swisher promises to tackle the “Women in Tech Conundrum” this fall with Glamour Magazine
• Huffington Post’s new channel “Women in Tech” brings a consistent, high-profile spotlight to the women making it happen
• The #changetheratio drumbeat started by Rachel Sklar
• The Girl Crush zine
• Women at least dominate social media usage; next, social media company leadership
• There are more female world leaders than one would think
• This year’s Google Science Fair was dominated by girl power, as the three top winners were all women
• The launch of the Daily Muse
• Organizations like The Hot Mommas Project, DC Web Women, BlogHer andWomen Who Tech work to support, engage, educate and advocate for and by girls and women
• Women like Jolie O’Dell don’t just write the talk, they code it (and then write about it for all of us); I also love when she shares well formed opinions andstatistics about women and the hard sciences
• Randi Zuckerberg just announced that she is hanging her own shingle, founding the media company RtoZ
• Women like Arianna Huffington selling big to AOL, Sheryl Sandberg C-leveling at Facebook, Chloe Sladden leading media partnerships for Twitter and Marissa Mayer engineering at Google inspire us and show us how it is done

Know a woman who should share her “More Seats” story? Maybe she’s you. Have a “More Seats” topic you’d like me to go deep on? Email me at lesliebradshaw [at] jess3 [dot] com

Leslie is the President, COO and Co-Founder of JESS3. LinkIn with her hereor follow her @lesliebradshaw.

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Chloe at Feministing posted a story yesterday that caught attention in online sexism discussions. A male friend of hers had overheard the following conversation at a wedding between two guys in the men's room: 

One of them turned to another and asked something along the lines of, “Hey, dude, are you going for bridesmaids tonight?” to which the other replied something along the lines of, “Yeah, the one with the big tits.”

When she asked her friend if he had intervened, he was unable to come up what he could have said in protest. Chloe writes that he missed a golden opportunity to standup against sexism, particularly with the credibility her friend had in that setting as a man:

I’m not entirely sure what Charles might have said in this situation. I’m not entirely sure what an appropriate, non-confrontational response would have been. I’m not entirely sure how easy it is to call out sexism while standing at a urinal with one’s junk in one’s hand (but if anyone could do it, Charles probably could). I know what I would have said if this conversation had taken place in front of me – and it probably wouldn’t have been terribly non-confrontational at all. But because this happened in the men’s room, and because these men probably cared a good deal more about what a fellow dude thought than what I think, what I would have said doesn’t really matter.

This is a piercing statement on the power, seldom exercised, of male privilege in all-male spaces to speak out against sexism. Gender violence occurs on a spectrum, and comments like the one's overheard in the bathroom are part of a wider dehumanization of women that creates an atmosphere when violence against women is not adequately addressed.

Do you think Chloe's perspective is accurate? Are there issues not taken into consideration in the analysis of this situation?

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A Quora answer by Rebekah Cox

Quesiton: What is it like to be a woman working in the tech industry?

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Oprah picks male heroes who not only speak up but change the world (full disclosure #9 is my partner in "good")

http://www.oprah.com/world/Guys-Who-Are-Saving-the-World-Men-Who-Do-Good-Male...

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by Matthew Johnson

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